via It’s simple, the far right hates facts. My follow-up to “5 things idiots believe about Muslims…”
Today I Learned That Not Everyone Has An Internal Monologue And It Has Ruined My Day.
The thoughts told me I should post this
My day was completely ruined yesterday when I stumbled upon a fun fact that absolutely obliterated my mind. I saw this tweet yesterday that said that not everyone has an internal monologue in their head. All my life, I could hear my voice in my head and speak in full sentences as if I was talking out loud. I thought everyone experienced this, so I did not believe that it could be true at that time.
Literally the first person I asked was a classmate of mine who said that she can not “hear” her voice in her mind. I asked her if she could have a conversation with herself in her head and she looked at me funny like I was the weird one in this situation. So I began to become more intrigued. Most people I asked said that they have this internal monologue that is running…
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The Shining by Stephen King
LEGITIMATE work-from-home help. A post to help get you started in the right direction
Humble beginnings
I’m writing this exactly 1 hour before starting my work shift. I’m sipping on some half-caf coffee, trying to avoid the caffeine headaches that will come in Ramadan. (The Muslim’s Fasting month in which we fast from ingesting anything during sun up to sun down hours) I’m not rushing to find work clothing, stressing about having to stop for gas or worry about the rain on my commute. I want others to experience this for themselves. I want people to find their niche or place on their terms. The peace that comes from finding a job that you love, don’t have to commute to and actually offers a paycheck isn’t measurable alHamdulilah.
A no scams, nor making people buy or pay for things; REAL work from home DOES Exist. I see so many people in a bind, needing a way out and falling for scams.
Yes, it takes work to find a real work-from-home job. Yes, it’s hard to find something you can do, takes long hours of searches, resumes and answering the same questions on applications. But it’s worth it.
I’ll share a few sites with you so you can start your long search and repetitive application filling (hey, it DOES take work)
A note for the wise: Working from home/Searching for work from home is just as time-consuming and Needing Professionalism, time and effort as outside jobs! This is for all of you willing to put in that work to find something. You have to do your research, you’ll be doing a lot of reading, applying, researching companies and trying to find out if it’s a fit for you. These websites not only shares LEGITIMATE work-from-home ads but also tips to avoid falling for scams. Enjoy! Now remember it’s just a site with listings, they CAN’T answer job-related questions. You have to go on the site and read or call/message the actual company that’s hiring with your questions.
Now remember this blog post and many of the links to jobs are simply sites with listings. I nor they answer job-related questions. You have to go on the site and read or call/message the actual company that’s hiring with your questions.
Happy Searching and I wish you the best inshaAllah
Some of these are from my own searches, places that were promising or where I found work. A few of the other amazing suggestions come from my friend Kareema Falih over at The Go Mamas, who has been a great inspiration to me in so many ways over the last few years.
The Links to start your amazing New Journey
(Disclaimer- I, nor none of these websites or people referenced here can guarantee you gainful employment. Filling out an application doesn’t legally guarantee employment either. These are simply tools for you to research how to get yourself out there, network, search and find real options versus scams. I hope it’s extremely beneficial to you)
My go-to stop. This is always the 1st place I check. Even now, gainfully and happily employed alHamdulilah; I still check their postings out for friends and to share with others. There are literally HUNDREDS of postings on their site: Rat Race Rebellion
The next site is a forum. Here is where you’ll go for advice, tips, and how-tos in this exciting new world. Click HERE to sign-up.
The following site is also promising. It took really long to find how to market myself on there, learn the ropes and search. My page was mediocre at best. I had to edit, add all my experience and really focus on the wording. When I did, I actually had employers seeking me! It still shocks me. Their website was formerly known as ODesk. Now their name is UpWork.
The following links are references from The Go Mamas which helped tremendously in posting this blog.
(Disclaimer– I, nor none of these websites or people referenced here can guarantee you gainful employment. Filling out an application doesn’t legally guarantee employment either. These are simply tools for you to research how to get yourself out there, network, search and find real options versus scams. I hope it’s extremely beneficial to you.)
Common Things that can trigger a grieving parents sorrow (Older post written about 2 years ago)
Important Notice and a Caution!
These can be applied to all socio-economic, faiths, genders and cultures of people. Grief and pain Know NO boundaries. However, due to my focus of grief support in the Muslim community and it being an under-served group of grievers” catching up to the emotional effects this can have on the psyche, My post is written with spiritual Islamic reminders. However, This may also trigger strong emotions in people going through the Anger, and “why” stages of grief or those who aren’t religious for other emotional reasons. Please proceed with caution and I hope that this is helpful
There I was, multitasking online, checking facebook whilst catching up on my emails in a separate tab. I noticed an unread email from a sweet sister, I decided to read it since I was home and sat at the computer.
The sister wanted to know about common triggers for grieving parents, and whether greater caution could be exercised around such individuals, in order to ease the pain.
I subconsciously brought my fingers to my mouth and without realising, started nibbling on my nails. This was something I hadn’t done in a very long time. Triggers huh? I guess we’ll add being asked what are triggers, as a trigger.
I pulled my hand away from my mouth and realised I didn’t have any coffee or water, let’s get that.
I thought long and hard before replying, I actually took a few days to even convince myself I wanted to discuss this subject again. It had been a particularly rough week in the grieving parent’s support group; which was followed by the anniversary of my own sister’s loss – as a result, I was naturally very pensive and emotionally edgy. I also had just written an article for the Mariam Poppins magazine on the subject and it was very draining to keep talking about. But, to not talk about it, to not discuss it; that’s worse. We can say THAT is a trigger for me – bottling it all up. Not helping others. That is a trigger.
And so of the other triggers:
LAUGHTER:
Laughter in and of itself is a trigger. Just being able to laugh is such a guilty feeling. Who thought cracking a smile, giggling, or letting out a laugh could ever cause so much pain? Well, it can. Especially harder for the very new grieving parent (The parent who lost their child within the last 3 years or so)
Mommy guilt, I think that’s why.
It’s very hard to feel “okay” about laughing when your child will never, in this dunya, be able to laugh or smile at you. When your child is dead… Gosh- just writing that is so… Final, here, in this life anyhow.
I mean here you are, a parent. You can hug and hold your child, you can smell their sweet scent when you hug them, you can hear them, and then one day, one week, one year later you just can’t. No matter how hard you try, you can’t. You feel bad for your baby (our kids will ALWAYS be our babies regardless of age) because they can’t enjoy this life. They can’t sleep safe and sound in their bed. They can’t laugh or smile and the first few times the grieving parent laughs can, and often does, trigger guilt.
What I need the grieving parent to remember is that there is NOTHING you can do to change what happened. Blaming yourself, being utterly depressed that Allah showed you some of His beautiful Mercy and allowed you to laugh and telling yourself “if only” will just cause you further hurt. You drowning in sorrow will NOT bring your child back. It will not change what happened. You being alive, you inflicting more pain on yourself through “Mummy guilt” won’t change a thing. I know….easier said than done. Not so, I’ve been there. I still am there some days. The guilt is crippling. Remember that Allah is oh so Merciful!! We can’t aid Shaytan against us. He uses our sorrow, depression, pictures, certain clothing, things, television and other “reminders” to drag us down.
Come back to the perfect Oneness of Allah and His book and what His Messenger promised us.
Allah is All Merciful and He has something FAR Better than this Dunya prepared for us. Be kind to yourself. Remember it is OKAY to be sad sometimes. However, also remember your child will InshaAllah be in Jannah, begging Allah to bring you and let you in. It’s OKAY to smile, to laugh.
May Allah aid and comfort us all Ameen.
COLOURS:
Your child’s favourite colour can be, and is often a trigger for parents. I’ve been a grieving parent for over eight years, and having worked alongside grieving parents for so long, I have seen this as a recurrent theme. The last 3 years have taught me that we all go through these grieving cycles repeatedly and there are many triggers, it’s not just me that deals with this, it’s other grieving parents as well. To see your child’s favourite colour in the store, on a billboard, on another child; for a moment it’s heart-stopping.
And so, for a moment, you allow yourself to stop, allowing the grief to wash over you again, and with a heavy sigh, start all over again, inshaAllah.
STORES:
Yes. The store is, and can be a big trigger. Going down the aisle, I was doing good, it was a few months after my daughter’s death and Kraft had came out with the macaroni ‘n’ cheese noodles shaped into cartoon characters. It stopped me in my tracks. I stared at the box for a few seconds and finally blinked back the tears as I thought to myself “Destiny would love these.” I had to talk myself into rationality as I had vivid images of buying a few boxes and saving them in my storage closet, SubhanAllah, the mind is such an incredible organ! It’s very capacity to withhold, learn, retain and manage information and our bodies is simply amazing, but it’s also a very fragile organ; may Allah protect us, Ameen.
Each of us will find ourselves fulfilling a mundane daily routine, and within it, out of nowhere, something almost insignificant, will make itself known, and remind us brutally, of the loss that we have suffered. So remember:
“What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for a while. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.”
[Prophet Job]
PICTURES:
I used to be surrounded by pictures and music, all over before I converted to Islam. Being surrounded by them didn’t harm me, or so I thought. However, it was incredibly difficult to face taking them down; psychologically I had a mental block. I felt if I took them down it was as if saying “I moved on” or “got over it” and so, I refused to do so for a very long time.
Even years later I kept trying to “have ‘good’ days” but kept breaking down, I realised it was the pictures and music; they caused emotions in me too huge to comprehend. Eventually, I found the strength to pull them off the walls and start towards my process towards easing the hurt. Don’t get me wrong I still had bad days but it was easier and even though, to this day 10 years after losing my seven-year-old daughter, I still struggle, but then I remind myself:
“And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.”
[Al Anfal, 8:28]
PREGNANCY:
The book that I previously wrote was all about being a grieving parent after losing a child while pregnant or expecting another.
Many people don’t realise that that subject is also a “trigger”, it brings huge emotional tidal waves of pain with it. People often use the subject of an expecting child or a pregnancy to mask the absence of the child that has died, as if to imply that a new baby can miraculously compensate for the absence of the child that once was. Sadly, there is nothing that can ever do this; there is no filling a void with anything but that which created that void. When we actually reflect upon this statement, we realise, the only One that can fill any void in our lives, is our Creator – it is He who Knows what we need, no matter our current condition.
I remember I used to dread the subject of what sex my expected child would be. I did not even want to tell them that I was having another girl because I just did not even want to hear it anymore, the well-meaning but hard to deal with comments. Sometimes people don’t know what to say in tough situations and they choose the wrong words, when all they are looking to do, is help. I understand that when a mother loses her child it is very difficult to know how to reply and what to say to make her feel good. Educating people in what’s unacceptable to say is key, otherwise this vicious cycle will inevitably continue.
May Allah grant us patience and His aid, ameen.
The best thing to do to help someone who has lost a child is to hug them, cook for them and their family, come over and bring them paper goods (Napkins, kleenex, toilet paper, a notebook to vent in etc) and make sure that they have enough shampoo and food in the house. Being there for the tears, being there through the silence and sometimes just making sure they have food and water in the house is more than enough support. There is no need to “make them feel better” and often these ill-fated attempts put us in hard positions where we say something nice but it comes out hurtful to the family.
“After this (The Prophet Job’s wealth and kids gone) Shaytan (the devil) went to Job disguised as a man who had come to sympathise with him. In a comforting tone, he said to Job:
“The circumstances under which your children died were sad. Surely, your Lord is not rewarding you properly for all your prayers.”
Job, firm in his faith, replied:
“Allah sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator.”
… SubhanAllah what a reminder indeed!!
In conclusion, anything and everything can be a trigger depending on the parent. However, it is vital that we start to recognise these triggers, and managing them in our grieving process; some days we will just need to cry about them, and allow them to hit us with the intensity of emotion that they bring, and other times, they will be hope-filled reminders of the beautiful child that now plays in Jannah, awaiting our reunion, inshaAllah.
Coping with Tragedy-
The post that made *ME* Nervous…
Tune in tonight from 6:00 – 7:00 pm CT as Host Alma Campos speaks with Guest Holly Garza, hoping to give us some perspective about the inside journey of someone who has lost a child.
Also Kamal Abu-Shamsieh, Staff Chaplain at Muslim Spiritual Care Services, will be joining us to share his knowledge and experiences on counseling bereaved families.
WCEV 1450 AM –> Chicagoland
http://tunein.com/radio/WCEV-1450-s23599/ –> Online
So Tune in if you can as I’ll be “on the air” after a long time being off….
The website that “saves” me!
I love this website! It truly is a lifesaver for me as a homeschooling and college student mom.
On the days I just have too high of a workload I use this. She gets to do her work with minimal interference from me and it also gets graded, gives her quizzes and even break/play/rest time. It includes reading; social studies, science, and math assignments. I love that it grades her so I can see if she’s having difficulties with any subjects and go back and teach it to her again.
Another thing that I love is that you can select up to three grade levels for it. So for example: she’s advanced in science and reading so I have her on 6th grade level work in those subjects. She’s a little behind in math so I have her at the beginning of 4th grade level work and all her other subjects she is right where she should be. Which is 5th grade work. This allows her to revisit what she needs to learn while still challenging her and allowing her to succeed. It also doesn’t punish her with boredom by being stuck in Grade work that she is already ahead of.
The website is
http://www.time4learning.com
I think they either have a free try out, or a referral program where you could try it for cheap for the first month or something? if they do and you decide to try it out to help your children with their school work, to practice more, or to homeschool tell them Holly Garza sent you.
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I believed her
And as she looked at me, her eyes piercing right through my very soul; I felt it reverberate through my body. She said “he’s crazy girl…. he hates me, he’s fu**ing crazy” I believed her as she said those words. They reverberated through me touching something deep and unknown yet very familiar. I believed those words like I believed that everything dies; like I believed in love, life and everything dark. Just like I believed her dismissive laugh 2 seconds later and we talked of the upcoming year. We talked of cook outs, Wisconsin and how it was going to be her best year yet. Three and a half days later:in a private room at the emergency room in Silver Cross Hospital detectives told me “there’s been an incident, some people broke in to your sister’s home and she’s been shot. …”
detectives apologized to me as they said “there’s been an incident”…….
Time for a change
asalaamu alaikum Peace be upon you all
Ever get into an uninspired mood or routine? Then rearrange your room/home and feel better?
That’s what I’m going for here.
I’m looking for feedback, what would YOU, the reader, like me to post about?
I have some ideas but I’d like to know where your heart lies. What is it that hasn’t been written you’d like to see about?
Life, religion, parenting, working, Not working, reading, etc Let me know
♥Life in my world♥ 