For all my girls “going through it”. For everyone struggling, hurting, sad, angry, depressed, hurt, betrayed, lost, and full of sorrow, I dedicate this to you.
Life is a series of attacks it seems at times and the questions in our head can get quite loud…..
“Why me, WHY? Who do they (she/he) think they are? What am I going to do? Why doesn’t anybody care? Why do I even care? Why is my life so messed up? Why does everyone else have it easy and not me? Why is everyone else’s marriage great? (not true, we all have struggles somewhere) Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just be rich so some of this would go away? Why did I have to find out? Why am I alone? Why would he do that? Why can’t i be good enough? Why don’t I know more, practice better? Why do I feel so stuck? Why, WHY, WHY?!
Sometimes, the word WHY alone is a painful word, a sorrowful word and to me even a hated word.
The Messenger of Allah (sws) said, “Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of difficulty.” (Tirmidhi)
“And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference.” – Quran, 17:70
Some days we don’t feel that way I bet you’re thinking, but imagine if Allah and our faith in Islam wasn’t there?! Imagine how much lonelier we’d be, how Lost!
“And if there should come to you guidance from Me – then whoever follows My guidance will neither go astray [in the world] nor suffer [in the Hereafter].”
Sometimes things get so tough for us that we almost feel as if maybe God (Allah) left us over some sin we may have done, I’ve been there…. we assume because things seem to keep going “one thing into another” that Allah has abandoned us, but I swear to you abandoning the Only One who could Possibly get you through this, abandoning our Faith will only increase our loneliness and sorrow.
We’re not perfect and no one guarantees we ever will be. The Prophets and great people of this world have suffered immense sorrows yet they were the ones that Allah helped most. The stories of what happened to all the prophets scream out to us the injustice, sorrows, and trials they went through. From ridicule, hunger, and torture to loosing their children, not having children, loosing all they had and being murdered. There are MANY examples in the Qur’an of events that happened to them as well. We know the story of Yusef and how he suffered. We know how sometimes we plan and things don’t go our way (The mother of Maryam-mother of Isa(Jesus) she planned to have a son and had a girl) Yet look, Allah knew and she didn’t, Sometimes things are for the better we just don’t know!
We hurt ourselves, we think about what people will say, think or do. We ponder over what is distressing us, some of us May Allah guide and forgive us, stare at pictures or even listen to Music which further alters our mood and sinks us in to a deeper despair. I ask this though, If you know someone HATES you and would LOVE to hurt you, would you hang out with them, trust them, listen to them and/or allow them to hurt you? NO- right? Well, we do every Single day. The shaitan promised to be our enemy and yet we turn to his despair instead of Allah’s Mercy. We turn to Shaitan’s worries, music, thoughts, sorrow, and whispers instead of to Allah’s relief, Mercy and Hope.
Some of us may fall into thinking what’s the point/ I try to be a better muslim/wife/mother/employee etc but I keep failing, why even bother? Well we wash our dishes but they’re going to get dirty aren’t they? We make our beds even though they’ll just be slept in, we shower even though I guarantee you we WILL need to shower again. This doesn’t mean that a person who is Depressed can just “snap out of it” but it DOES mean a lot of times we aid our sadness and make it bigger.
I remember a LONG time ago I was watching a movie called Shawshank Redemption and in it they said “Get busy living or get busy dying”….how true that is! Some of us merely exist in helping the Shaitan hurt our OWNSELVES! I’ve been there, I’ve done it.
This doesn’t mean we can’t feel sorrow, this doesn’t mean, like most muslims say “Be patient” that we’re ungrateful. It’s perfectly normal to feel some sadness or sorrow over stuff in this world. The trick is not to put ourselves in it deeper or be the cause of our issues. Allah will not change the condition of a person until first they change themselves.
“And whoever is conscious of Allah, He will make for him a way out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has sent a measure for all things.” (Quran: 65/2-3)
Consider the person is unemployed and suffering some hardships…..I can be unemployed and believe in Allah but until I get up early and search every single day, early in the morning dressed and speaking for success I will not find employment “trust in Allah but tie your camel”.
If someone is a drunk and yet HATES being sick, hungover, in pain, unhealthy and unemployed yet they keep drinking Allah will NOT rectify their condition.
If a woman keeps calling the police on her abusive “Man” yet she stays with him it will be extremely difficult for her to find peace, a way out and a solution (this is NOT easy for them there is a LOT more to these situations and they need compassion, REAL solutions, help, hope and true desire to leave and change their situation) For REAL solutions, an insight into what it’s like and helpful tips look at this post I wrote on Domestic Violence, escaping it, and an insight to women’s trials in this position. Click here ~> Domestic Violence: A Guide to escaping Abusive Relationships.
If someone wants to be a better muslim but constantly ignores the Qur’an it’ll be hard to try to change that.
We must change ourselves many times before our situation will change. Now, of course, in difficult situations it’s not that easy! Start small, start with hope, start with prayer, start with one small consistent change. I recommend reading the stories of Yussef and his father and their trials. If you’re not a BIG reader, start small, read ten minutes. That’s nothing, it’s looking at your phone 3 times or opening the refrigerator…you’ll loose nothing and gain much InshaAllah. After that look up a lecture, video, mp3, podcast or audio on the subject and listen to it and reflect as you clean, sit, browse the net or just relax.
There are some small things we can do to slightly alter our mood, we can get up and go for a walk, do some jumping jacks, read a book, take a shower. STOP what your doing if your really down-change your scene! Stop the self hurting, our minds at times attack us and we can’t help it but sitting around moping makes us feel worse and hurting ourselves isn’t going to fix it. Some things, no matter how hopeful, religious, or busy we are just can’t be avoided, they sting, they hurt, they cause anger, despair, sorrow and depression. You can’t fix everything over night with a shower, some praying and hope, some things have to “run their course” so to speak. Going through a tragedy or sometimes a loss of a certain relationship can be painful and stop us in our tracks. Take a moment, breathe, feel the sorrow but don’t aid the sorrow in making yourself feel worse. I love you for the sake of Allah and ask that you please forgive me for any hurtful comments that may have been taken the wrong way in this post. I HATE telling people how and what to feel and my intention was provide REAL tips, advice, and hope from someone who has known way too much sorrow herself. I ask for your duas and forgiveness, ameen!!!~Holly Garza