As I sit here listening to some recordings…. I have many thoughts going through my head. The rain came hard and fast earlier and left flash floods and a 20 degree temperature drop Alhamdulillah. Now the night is still and quiet with silent lightening flashing every now and again and big fat clouds moving about overhead. Creation is so wonderful SubhanAllah.
I don’t know why it is I feel so at peace in weather that most people find annoying, disturbing, “not nice, or “blah.” I find it comforting. One could speculate that it has to do with gratitude, gratitude for the chance of making dua (prayers) gratitude for rain when so many suffer from drought right now. One could speculate many things.The truth is I’ve always loved this weather even before acknowledgement of gratitude or even before Islam. I still don’t know why I feel “at peace” in this weather. “They” used to say that some people aren’t content unless they’re in some sort of turmoil. This isn’t really me, I can be confrontational but I don’t enjoy living in disarray or confrontation. Therefore that can’t be it. Maybe it’s because ever since I was conceived possibly, I’ve known “storms?” Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to sleep and relax in this weather? Maybe it’s because I’ve loved the ultimate love and the ultimate loss??? The fast hard rains at times remind me of that fast hard cries…..*shakes off those thoughts * AlHamdulillah I’ve lost much, OH SO very much but I’ve also gained so much in this life.
I’ve gained peace through knowledge that there is better (in the full meaning, all the way around). I’ve gained Islam by Allah’s permission. I’ve gained a way to live, change, learn, grow, hope, pray, live and be. Even though I’m still relatively new (3 and a half years almost) to this I’ve learned So Much and I’m amazed at how little I actually know. I truly enjoy knowing God would NEVER punish a child for dying because of “original sin.” I take refuge in Allah’s words and His promises when the grief and sorrow starts to sting stronger. I look at the world around me and all I know, have been through and seen or know of and I know the Islamic legislation’s are sent down indeed for a reason.
I’ve been blessed with so many venues to learn from family, society, Sisterhood, websites, life, the net, my children, death, sorrow, love, loss, marriage, divorce, zakat, friendship, nikkah (Islamic marriage) and being married to a Practicing muslim man AlHamdulillah and in being a homeschooling Muslimah Latina American Mom. I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be grateful for some of those aforementioned words (experiences)
Those words could NEVER convey all the emotion, turmoils, joy, sorrow, pain, growing simply written or spoken (especially in English) The fact of the matter is unless we live through them and Allah blesses us with some understanding they could never be conveyed to anyone who hasn’t seen being a parent and loosing their child. Islam and belief could never FULLY (at least to me, it could be different for others) appreciate, love and embrace Islaam. Even as I sit here and type I’m half smiling with a knot in my throat. may Allah protect and guide us all, may He the All Merciful fill our hearts with joy, HAMD, love, shukr, and peace. May He forgive us and guide us and may He heal our broken hearts and guide our loved ones ameen!!!