Priorities and “Falling apart” when we NEED to keep it together Part 1

Asalaamu Alaikum waramatluahi wabrakatahu (May the peace, the mercy, and the blessings of Allah (God) be upon you).

whooo! Aren’t you tired?!?
You’re tired, you’re ALWAYS tired. Yet here you are, scrolling. You’re possibly imagining I, and other moms on the blogosphere are perfect, well rested, got everything together and are crafty, smart and imaginative, NOT TRUE! Well at least not in my case or half of the “real” women in my life who admit doing deep cleaning only before others come over and posting their nicest, most productive work. So, perhaps, there are ma shaa Allah some nifty, creative, beautiful well-organized women out there ma shaa Allah and may Allah allow us to be a lot more that way Aaamen but for transparency purposes I’m not going to pretend I’m the one to look up to. I’m not. I just wanted to give you some tips, advice and a “meditation” if you will.

There are a few things I had to learn to attempt stability, organization, peace and productivity so I wanted to share them with you all here:

*Nurturing Oneself

*Priorities

* Self-Affirmation

*Simplifying

*Expectation/Self image

and many, many more but since I know many of you are overwhelmed we’re only going to tackle these for now in shaa Allah (God Willing) besides, I’ll let you in on a little secret; I’m overwhelmed myself. I’m in the middle of packing (which really means I don’t know where to start) since we’re moving about 40 miles away at the end of the month so I’m going to make this at least a two-part series, which honestly might be more since after moving we’ll have to get settled in.

*Nurturing oneself- I know, I know we “get ready” and take care of ourselves, heck we’re the ones who are independent, strong and keeping everything running (Give yourself a Tap on the back You REALLY are doing a lot!) but no matter how strong you are, you still need nurturing. When we start to feel like we want to trade places with our baby, child or husband it’s time to start to pamper us a bit. You’re probably thinking you don’t have time, money, ideas or desires to care to pamper yourself, you do. Just like your clothing is a beautification a protection from us the womb is for a baby and our spouses for ourselves we can use our home as a little pampering station, cocoon of sorts, a womb. Let’s make this place serve us. While the children are sleeping or outside with dad/sister/mother/neighbor etc we can give ourselves a homemade pedicure, scrub those feet and make them soft and new. We can make a special coffee or tea treat with a cookie and enjoy a few moments of silence. We give and we give and we give and this is extremely taxing on us.

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Four things are part of happiness: a righteous spouse, a spacious dwelling, a righteous neighbor, and a comfortable mount. Four things are part of misery: a bad neighbor, a bad spouse, a restrictive dwelling, and a bad mount.”

*Simplifying- Gift extra items, sell stuff on e-bay or re purpose the items you aren’t using. Honestly we don’t NEED those items we haven’t used in a year and we shouldn’t have so many garments that we have to push the clothing out the way to pull stuff out and view it. Make pillows, curtains, bags or sell, gift and donate these things. As for clutter or messy homes in which you don’t know where to begin, start slow. Pick one corner, one shelf or one “Space” and beautify it. Don’t overwhelm yourself with the whole home, you’ll just overwhelm yourself more. Pick one area a day do that space. Clean the wall spot in that space, de-clutter it, make it pretty. Look at your accomplishment, smile and pat yourself on a job well done. Repeat this everyday or twice a day until your whole place looks and feels better. Sometimes nurturing you means creating a place or space where you can be alone and responsible only for you. A reading nook, a writing corner, an Arabic learning station, a craft area,a prayer corner, knitting station etc

Always remember to ask Allah to help you feel less stress, the days you are peace, not stressed, happy or calm remember Allah. Ask Allah for His aid continuously as you work Hard on trying to train yourself to strive for doing these things.

Abu Ya ‘la Dailami and Ibn Asakir narrated: Abu Hurairah and Anas Ibn Malik said: Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Allah loves rescuing the one who needs rescue.”

Ibn Abbas reported: I was riding with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said:

يَا غُلَامُ إِنِّي أُعَلِّمُكَ كَلِمَاتٍ احْفَظْ اللَّهَ يَحْفَظْكَ احْفَظْ اللَّهَ تَجِدْهُ تُجَاهَكَ إِذَا سَأَلْتَ فَاسْأَلْ اللَّهَ وَإِذَا اسْتَعَنْتَ فَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللَّهِ وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ الْأُمَّةَ لَوْ اجْتَمَعَتْ عَلَى أَنْ يَنْفَعُوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَنْفَعُوكَ إِلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ لَكَ وَلَوْ اجْتَمَعُوا عَلَى أَنْ يَضُرُّوكَ بِشَيْءٍ لَمْ يَضُرُّوكَ إِلَّا بِشَيْءٍ قَدْ كَتَبَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ رُفِعَتْ الْأَقْلَامُ وَجَفَّتْ الصُّحُفُ

O young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you. If you ask, ask from Allah. If you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that if the nations gathered together to help you, they cannot benefit you unless Allah has written it for you, and if the nations gathered together to harm you, they cannot harm you unless Allah has written it for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages dried.

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2516, Grade: Sahih

* Self-Affirmation- Admit it, we’ve all had days (I’ve had whole years like this!)when we are so thoroughly exhausted we almost forget we as a person exist. We look how we feel and in turn feel how we look. Clothes don’t fit how we want or pjs are so comfy we wear them too much then look at ourselves all disheveled, tired and overwhelmed. We get into feeling numb and robotic almost disconnected from others or the world in general. We stare at things trying to learn by osmosis (Arabic for me) and get nothing, nothing gets absorbed. You’re too tired to sleep and too sleep-deprived to function and get things done. AlHamdulilah (Thank God through it all) our heart doesn’t stop beating even if our brain feels like it’s trying to run through mud! Enjoy the consistency of your heartbeat and take your cue from it, slow and steady wins the race. Do consistent, even if small things and you’ll get through it.
A’isha said that Rasulullah saw said: “The deeds most loved by Allah (are those) done regularly, even if they are small.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect.

Abu Ya ‘la Dailami and Ibn Asakir narrated: Abu Hurairah and Anas Ibn Malik said: Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Allah loves rescuing the one who needs rescue.”

* Priorities-

ah this is the medicine I need most myself. NO the Smart Phone is NOT the first thing we should grab after waking up. OUCH, phones, computers, tablets tv s etc these should be sometimes things yet are the ones that KILL all our time sadly. These are sometimes things or should be used either as a reward after everything is done OR used as tools. Yes there are many things that can aid us in our homeschooling, learning, islam etc but are we not distracted by the OTHER stuff we do with them? I was. Facebook, candy crush etc etc start doing the biggest tasks after your morning prayer, quiet time. Tackle the things that drain you or need your brain more in the morning and feel less stressed while blogging, facebooking etc.

Another thing, change your voicemail on your phone- Leave a message stating you are busy with family, studying, homeschooling, or work and pick a time you aren’t busy with yourself, your home, studies or others to text or call others back. WHY, why, why do we feel the need to allow something that was supposed to be for convenience to interrupt us?!? Why do we feel we have to stop everything and answer the phone when it rings or a notification goes off? Will the person calling about nothing homeschool for you? Most likely not. Necessity dictates we start recognizing our limitations. I’m not saying don’t whatsapp, text, or use your phone. I still do but I no longer allow it to stop what I’m doing. Being a woman means we have to put ourselves first so we can put our home, spouse or children first.

In sha Allah these tips can be helpful for you ♥ remember take it easy on yourself

To Be Continued……..

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